Moving,...again...

Well, we are moving again. Not happy about it.

But, it has to happen. The seminary decided to revitalize the Beeson scholarship program which is a full-ride doctoral program. We have been living in the Beeson townhomes, thus...we have to leave.

Granted we could have stayed until the end of May but found a suitable and affordable place to live and need to go ahead and move.

I know that Aaron is going into itenerent ministry but this much moving is a little ridiculous. Moved in May of 2008, June of 2009 and now January of 2010.

I guess I just need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it!

Today begins Lent....

I always struggle with Lenten sacrifices. I never know what to give up or add to my daily life. Not because I think I am perfect. It's actually just the opposite. Once I start thinking about the sacrifice that Jesus made for me, nothing seem adequate and I decide to give up a whole bunch of things that I know I will not follow through on. So then, I decide I do not want to make a mockery of the notion of a Lenten sacrifice which then leads me to decide that I just want do anything. Because, of course, if you can't do something right, you shouldn't do it at all, right?? I know...flawed logic...

So, today is Ash Wednesday and I once again am contemplating...what do I give up? Caffeine? Meat? TV? Internet? I've done all of those before. Is it enough?

What is it that stands between me and a deeper relationship with God? (Like there is just one thing...) I keep coming back to pride. Pride is my great pitfall--especially the idea of self-sufficiency.

Please give me a little grace while I explain myself a little....

As a young child, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Onset Rheumatoid Arthritis. I had to learn to be resilient and tough. I had to learn to push through pain and find creative ways to do some normal,everyday tasks. I am grateful for this. I learned to be stubborn, to not give up easily and developed a very, very strong will.

However, that is my weakness. I have a hard time accepting help.

Let me just tell you, God has worked on me in this area. He has called me into different ministries and situations that have required me to learn to accept help. I have come to realize that God made none of us to have the ability to live a true Christian walk without the assistance of others. He made us not to be self-sufficient but to need community. It is impossible to go it alone.

Which brings me back to my Lenten sacrifice...

For the forty days of Lent, I am not giving something up (ya'll can all breathe a sigh of relief, I will continue to have caffeine!) but I am going to focus on the people in my life that have helped me in some way. I have been incredibly blessed by the generosity, love and support of so many people. My life has been impacted and changed by more than I can count. God has worked on my heart to allow me to open up my eyes to the impact that so many have made upon me.

I am going to use the forty days to express my thanks to at least forty people who have somehow impacted my life. Want to join me?

We have had a time with a little girl in Abby's class. This is probably a good time to state this disclaimer: I know that I am only getting one side of the story. I know that there are always more facts that what is shared with the mom. I know that my child may be exaggerating and may very well be part of the problem.

Now, I don't like to judge anyone, especially little kids, but I am just not sure she is a very nice kid. Abby has complained about this little girl mistreating her since August. We have exchanged numerous emails with Abby's teacher and guidance counselor and have had two parent teacher conferences.

This past week, the situation was pretty bad. (I will spare you all the details because this is not what the point of this blog is all about.) It was so bad, that Abby wrote me a letter while at school concerning her situation with this young girl. Not only did she just write me a letter, she had several of the other little girls in her class sign the letter in support of her statements.

Needless to say, I emailed the teacher once again. We were pretty desperate for some help as Abby was pretty miserable. The next day, Abby returned home in a much better mood. We asked her how her day went and she proceeded to tell us that her teacher had taken care of the situation. (Again, I'll spare you the details)

I asked her if she felt better about it. Her response was, "Well, ya know mom, it is pretty easy to be nice to everyone on the day you have to see the principal. I will let you know how she does this time next week." How true is that? I was shocked. How profound a statement from such a little girl.

As we were driving home from our Valentine's Dinner, I asked her if she had finished filling out her valentines for her class party the next day. She assured me that she had. I asked her if she addressed one to the little girl who had been bothering her. She said, "Of course I did." She wanted to know why I would ask that question. I told her that sometimes, it is hard to give someone a nice thing when they have been mean to you.

She said to me, "You know Mom, Valentine's Day is all about love and grace. That's why I addressed a valentine to her." I was in a slight state of shock. She proceeded to tell me that "God loves everyone. He gives grace to everyone, even if they are a mean little girl." I said told her she was exactly right. Her next statement floored me once again. "Mom," she started, "God is able to love everyone like that because He is perfect. I'm not perfect, but I want to try to love them too."

What a moment. We may have difficult moments as parents but there are times when we know that we are doing a good job. This was one of those for me.

Storm of 2009

What a week it has been. I have never seen so much ice on everything. Nothing was spared the coating of the slick, cold stuff! Although the trees looked pretty while they glistened on Tuesday, by that evening, the limbs starting breaking and trees started uprooting.

I did not sleep much that night. It was unnerving to hear very loud POPs and then crashes throughout the night. We lost many branches out of our trees in our yard. Everywhere you look in town, there is damage to be seen. It will take us weeks to clean it up.

We lost our electricity on Wednesday a little bit before noon. We had just come in from a lovely walk in the thickly falling snow. We expected the lights to be out a little while--it was out five days total. Before it was all said and done, there would over 1 million people that would love electricity service at some point during the storm.

Although we were out of power for many days, we were much more fortunate than most. We had heat (somewhat), the ability to cook on the stovetop, and hot water. We also had a host of friends who offered warm homes, washing machines and shared their electricity.

Many, many folks inquired to know what we needed and how they could help. It was comforting to know that help was just a phone call away--even from those we didn't know.

Many memories were formed--some we would like to forget and some that we will cherish! Bailing out the sump pumps at all hours of the day and night, playing Jenga by candlelight, eating up the last of the ice cream, sledding down the BIG hill, the girls realizing that you can survive without TV, cooking by flashlight and attempting to walk on ice.

What I will cherish the most is the love and spirit of cooperation that we saw. People being neighborly. Knowing that through it all, being out of electricity is a minor inconvenience. Realizing what all we take for granted.

A new one...

So I guess you can tell, that I didn't write all of those posts today! I simply imported them from another blog site. They were some of my favorite posts.

I absolutely love writing and am hoping to do more!

A home.

We went back to Church this morning. I sat there in the congregation praising and worshipping and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I was moved at the feeling of peace and comfort that I felt. I knew that I was where God wanted me to be. I’ve had that feeling before. As I would worship with my church family in Johnson City I was more often than not engulfed by that assurance that I was where God wanted me to be.

I miss my Wesley friends dearly. That was evident this past week when Anna cut her finger and life at work was hard. I missed having the ability to make a phone call and have someone just come get Abby, bring a meal or just go grab a coffee. It’s coming slowly, but I have to think about it and work at it just a little bit harder. I miss making one phone call and knowing that my sisters in Christ are spreading the word and praying as I struggle. I miss receiving those phone calls as well.

I have been constantly reminded during this process of two things.

God has a plan for me and that plan is to prosper me and to not harm me. That promise has been my rock. When I felt as if my world was spinning out of control, that knowledge was what kept me from dissolving into tears.

God’s timing is perfect. This has been hard for me. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not the one in control. I have to resist the temptation to make decisions hastily and without consulting Him. I like to be a woman of action…get things done; check them off my list. It has been incredibly hard to trust that it will all be good. Even when I have messed up and “rushed the process,” I take great comfort that God can work all things (even my mistakes) to his glory.

I can not wait to see what else God has to teach me these next four years. I know that it will not be easy at times. It never has been, but I am convinced that God has a great plan. Will you help me remember that? Will you remind me that it is not me that is in control?

I lost one….

We live in a small town, quite Mayberry like. You feel safe. There are little or no worries.

So when Anna, our 9 year old, wanted to run home from the story which is about a mile away, I told her she could. I talked with her about which was she would go out of the parking lot and Anna seemed to know the way. I knew that I was checking out and would be getting in the car in the next few minutes. I reasoned that we would just follow her home in the car.

I was confident and had absolutely no worries. I stood in line and patiently waited to check out. When I returned to the car, Aaron said that he had seen Anna and that she was heading the wrong way out of the parking lot. I started to worry just a tad but rationalized that she was going to the corner with the stop light and was going to cross the street at the light.

We pulled out of the parking lot and looked up and down the street. There was no Anna. We headed home and still didn’t see her. We turned around and went down the road the other way. Still no Anna in sight. We thought that maybe she was crossing through the yards like she did when they walked home from camp. I was starting to get more and more worried. We traced the route that she would have taken if she cut through the yards. No Anna. My panic level was simply rising and rising. I was ready to call everyone I knew and have them start looking. I was thinking about all the places that she could be.

My cell phone rang. It was Anna. I could tell that she was scared. She was crying and I could barely understand her. She was at the grocery store.

We immediately turned around and headed there. As far as I was concerned, we couldn’t get there fast enough. I barely let Aaron get the car stopped before I hopped and out and went looking for her. She was sitting on the park bench outside the store. It was as if I was in a slow motion replay. I could see her sitting there on the bench. She looked scared and so little. I was calling her name and she was looking around for me. She could hear me but wasn’t sure where I was. As soon as she saw me, she ran to me and buried her head in my chest and hugged me. I couldn’t even speak to her for a moment. I just held on to her. She was fine. She had run the wrong way out of the parking lot. I took her face in my hands and I told her that I would have never stopped looking for her. I was okay. She was back with me. Not out in the world alone.

As I replayed this event over and over in my mind, one parable kept coming to mind.

What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?

⁵“When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

⁶“And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’

Luke 15:4-7

That parable really hit home today. I would have looked forever for Anna. I would have searched high and low and spared no expense to find her.

Sometimes we run the wrong way on purpose and sometimes we let the things of this world distract us and we find ourselves running in the wrong the direction. Sometimes we convince ourselves that the way we are running is the right way. But no matter why we end up lost, there is always someone out there looking for us. A God so loving that he never gives up. No matter what we have done, no matter how dirty we have got along the road he is looking. No matter how long we are lost and no matter how dirty we’ve gotten while we were lost, he always celebrates our being found.

There is nothing as sweet as resting my head on God’s chest when he has found me. When I have humbled myself enough to call out and let myself be found, I have never been more content, more relieved. He has taken my face into his hands and said, “I will never quit looking for you. I will never forsake you.”

I am his. I am a prized possession and so are you. He will never quit looking for us when we lose our way.