A Word for Wednesday

If you want to be miserable think about yourself, about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you and what people think of you.

Charles Kingsley

Charles Kingsley 

I couldn't say it better myself! What is a favorite quote of yours? 

Emotions of a Pastor's Family: Part 3--Overwhelmed

I had a mini-breakdown yesterday and today.  I did a dangerous thing and started thinking about all of the things that will need to be done between now and when we move.  Here's just a sample:

• Midterm for Theology of John Wesley
• Find a moving company
• Write 13 more outlines of John Wesley's sermons
• Read 700+ pages for class
• Write 5 page paper on Social Justice and John Wesley's theology
• Go to 3 soccer tournaments
• Plan and throw Anna's 13th birthday party
• Participate in Abby's 5th grade blessing
• Go to work everyday...(the list of what to do here is too extensive to even begin to list)
• Design and print Aaron's graduation announcements

You can see why I am became so overwhelmed....sometimes it is more than I can wrap my mind around.  It just doesn't seem like there is enough time in the day to get it all done. It is easy to lose perspective when you feel that you might just choke to death on your to-do list.  It is during those times that I turn on my Pandora and listen to my Praise and Worship station.

As I did that this morning, the first song that played was Chris Tomlin's I Will Follow You. (Listen to it here.)  This is a beautiful song and I can remember the very first time it was sung in worship.  By the end of the song, my face was wet with tears as it expressed beautifully the prayer that I had prayed for many years. 

Here are the lyrics:

"I Will Follow"

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow...

All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in you alone

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone

In you there's life everlasting
In you there's freedom for my soul
In you there joy, unending joy
and I will follow 

 Following God's will is not always easy.  There is a peace that comes from walking the path that God has set before you.  Even in the midst of stress, heartache, and to-do lists that seem unending, God is my rock and my refuge.  I trust that he loves me and wants what's best for me. 

During this crazy, hectic time, it will be important for me to remember that what God wants most from me is me.  Not my to-do list, not what I am doing for him, but ME!  So, if you see me overwhelmed and about to crack...ask me if I have spent time with God lately.  No item on my to-do list is more important than that one.

Today begins Lent....

I always struggle with Lenten sacrifices. I never know what to give up or add to my daily life. Not because I think I am perfect. It's actually just the opposite. Once I start thinking about the sacrifice that Jesus made for me, nothing seem adequate and I decide to give up a whole bunch of things that I know I will not follow through on. So then, I decide I do not want to make a mockery of the notion of a Lenten sacrifice which then leads me to decide that I just want do anything. Because, of course, if you can't do something right, you shouldn't do it at all, right?? I know...flawed logic...

So, today is Ash Wednesday and I once again am contemplating...what do I give up? Caffeine? Meat? TV? Internet? I've done all of those before. Is it enough?

What is it that stands between me and a deeper relationship with God? (Like there is just one thing...) I keep coming back to pride. Pride is my great pitfall--especially the idea of self-sufficiency.

Please give me a little grace while I explain myself a little....

As a young child, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Onset Rheumatoid Arthritis. I had to learn to be resilient and tough. I had to learn to push through pain and find creative ways to do some normal,everyday tasks. I am grateful for this. I learned to be stubborn, to not give up easily and developed a very, very strong will.

However, that is my weakness. I have a hard time accepting help.

Let me just tell you, God has worked on me in this area. He has called me into different ministries and situations that have required me to learn to accept help. I have come to realize that God made none of us to have the ability to live a true Christian walk without the assistance of others. He made us not to be self-sufficient but to need community. It is impossible to go it alone.

Which brings me back to my Lenten sacrifice...

For the forty days of Lent, I am not giving something up (ya'll can all breathe a sigh of relief, I will continue to have caffeine!) but I am going to focus on the people in my life that have helped me in some way. I have been incredibly blessed by the generosity, love and support of so many people. My life has been impacted and changed by more than I can count. God has worked on my heart to allow me to open up my eyes to the impact that so many have made upon me.

I am going to use the forty days to express my thanks to at least forty people who have somehow impacted my life. Want to join me?