Today begins Lent....

I always struggle with Lenten sacrifices. I never know what to give up or add to my daily life. Not because I think I am perfect. It's actually just the opposite. Once I start thinking about the sacrifice that Jesus made for me, nothing seem adequate and I decide to give up a whole bunch of things that I know I will not follow through on. So then, I decide I do not want to make a mockery of the notion of a Lenten sacrifice which then leads me to decide that I just want do anything. Because, of course, if you can't do something right, you shouldn't do it at all, right?? I know...flawed logic...

So, today is Ash Wednesday and I once again am contemplating...what do I give up? Caffeine? Meat? TV? Internet? I've done all of those before. Is it enough?

What is it that stands between me and a deeper relationship with God? (Like there is just one thing...) I keep coming back to pride. Pride is my great pitfall--especially the idea of self-sufficiency.

Please give me a little grace while I explain myself a little....

As a young child, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Onset Rheumatoid Arthritis. I had to learn to be resilient and tough. I had to learn to push through pain and find creative ways to do some normal,everyday tasks. I am grateful for this. I learned to be stubborn, to not give up easily and developed a very, very strong will.

However, that is my weakness. I have a hard time accepting help.

Let me just tell you, God has worked on me in this area. He has called me into different ministries and situations that have required me to learn to accept help. I have come to realize that God made none of us to have the ability to live a true Christian walk without the assistance of others. He made us not to be self-sufficient but to need community. It is impossible to go it alone.

Which brings me back to my Lenten sacrifice...

For the forty days of Lent, I am not giving something up (ya'll can all breathe a sigh of relief, I will continue to have caffeine!) but I am going to focus on the people in my life that have helped me in some way. I have been incredibly blessed by the generosity, love and support of so many people. My life has been impacted and changed by more than I can count. God has worked on my heart to allow me to open up my eyes to the impact that so many have made upon me.

I am going to use the forty days to express my thanks to at least forty people who have somehow impacted my life. Want to join me?

We have had a time with a little girl in Abby's class. This is probably a good time to state this disclaimer: I know that I am only getting one side of the story. I know that there are always more facts that what is shared with the mom. I know that my child may be exaggerating and may very well be part of the problem.

Now, I don't like to judge anyone, especially little kids, but I am just not sure she is a very nice kid. Abby has complained about this little girl mistreating her since August. We have exchanged numerous emails with Abby's teacher and guidance counselor and have had two parent teacher conferences.

This past week, the situation was pretty bad. (I will spare you all the details because this is not what the point of this blog is all about.) It was so bad, that Abby wrote me a letter while at school concerning her situation with this young girl. Not only did she just write me a letter, she had several of the other little girls in her class sign the letter in support of her statements.

Needless to say, I emailed the teacher once again. We were pretty desperate for some help as Abby was pretty miserable. The next day, Abby returned home in a much better mood. We asked her how her day went and she proceeded to tell us that her teacher had taken care of the situation. (Again, I'll spare you the details)

I asked her if she felt better about it. Her response was, "Well, ya know mom, it is pretty easy to be nice to everyone on the day you have to see the principal. I will let you know how she does this time next week." How true is that? I was shocked. How profound a statement from such a little girl.

As we were driving home from our Valentine's Dinner, I asked her if she had finished filling out her valentines for her class party the next day. She assured me that she had. I asked her if she addressed one to the little girl who had been bothering her. She said, "Of course I did." She wanted to know why I would ask that question. I told her that sometimes, it is hard to give someone a nice thing when they have been mean to you.

She said to me, "You know Mom, Valentine's Day is all about love and grace. That's why I addressed a valentine to her." I was in a slight state of shock. She proceeded to tell me that "God loves everyone. He gives grace to everyone, even if they are a mean little girl." I said told her she was exactly right. Her next statement floored me once again. "Mom," she started, "God is able to love everyone like that because He is perfect. I'm not perfect, but I want to try to love them too."

What a moment. We may have difficult moments as parents but there are times when we know that we are doing a good job. This was one of those for me.

Storm of 2009

What a week it has been. I have never seen so much ice on everything. Nothing was spared the coating of the slick, cold stuff! Although the trees looked pretty while they glistened on Tuesday, by that evening, the limbs starting breaking and trees started uprooting.

I did not sleep much that night. It was unnerving to hear very loud POPs and then crashes throughout the night. We lost many branches out of our trees in our yard. Everywhere you look in town, there is damage to be seen. It will take us weeks to clean it up.

We lost our electricity on Wednesday a little bit before noon. We had just come in from a lovely walk in the thickly falling snow. We expected the lights to be out a little while--it was out five days total. Before it was all said and done, there would over 1 million people that would love electricity service at some point during the storm.

Although we were out of power for many days, we were much more fortunate than most. We had heat (somewhat), the ability to cook on the stovetop, and hot water. We also had a host of friends who offered warm homes, washing machines and shared their electricity.

Many, many folks inquired to know what we needed and how they could help. It was comforting to know that help was just a phone call away--even from those we didn't know.

Many memories were formed--some we would like to forget and some that we will cherish! Bailing out the sump pumps at all hours of the day and night, playing Jenga by candlelight, eating up the last of the ice cream, sledding down the BIG hill, the girls realizing that you can survive without TV, cooking by flashlight and attempting to walk on ice.

What I will cherish the most is the love and spirit of cooperation that we saw. People being neighborly. Knowing that through it all, being out of electricity is a minor inconvenience. Realizing what all we take for granted.

A new one...

So I guess you can tell, that I didn't write all of those posts today! I simply imported them from another blog site. They were some of my favorite posts.

I absolutely love writing and am hoping to do more!

A home.

We went back to Church this morning. I sat there in the congregation praising and worshipping and I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I was moved at the feeling of peace and comfort that I felt. I knew that I was where God wanted me to be. I’ve had that feeling before. As I would worship with my church family in Johnson City I was more often than not engulfed by that assurance that I was where God wanted me to be.

I miss my Wesley friends dearly. That was evident this past week when Anna cut her finger and life at work was hard. I missed having the ability to make a phone call and have someone just come get Abby, bring a meal or just go grab a coffee. It’s coming slowly, but I have to think about it and work at it just a little bit harder. I miss making one phone call and knowing that my sisters in Christ are spreading the word and praying as I struggle. I miss receiving those phone calls as well.

I have been constantly reminded during this process of two things.

God has a plan for me and that plan is to prosper me and to not harm me. That promise has been my rock. When I felt as if my world was spinning out of control, that knowledge was what kept me from dissolving into tears.

God’s timing is perfect. This has been hard for me. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not the one in control. I have to resist the temptation to make decisions hastily and without consulting Him. I like to be a woman of action…get things done; check them off my list. It has been incredibly hard to trust that it will all be good. Even when I have messed up and “rushed the process,” I take great comfort that God can work all things (even my mistakes) to his glory.

I can not wait to see what else God has to teach me these next four years. I know that it will not be easy at times. It never has been, but I am convinced that God has a great plan. Will you help me remember that? Will you remind me that it is not me that is in control?

I lost one….

We live in a small town, quite Mayberry like. You feel safe. There are little or no worries.

So when Anna, our 9 year old, wanted to run home from the story which is about a mile away, I told her she could. I talked with her about which was she would go out of the parking lot and Anna seemed to know the way. I knew that I was checking out and would be getting in the car in the next few minutes. I reasoned that we would just follow her home in the car.

I was confident and had absolutely no worries. I stood in line and patiently waited to check out. When I returned to the car, Aaron said that he had seen Anna and that she was heading the wrong way out of the parking lot. I started to worry just a tad but rationalized that she was going to the corner with the stop light and was going to cross the street at the light.

We pulled out of the parking lot and looked up and down the street. There was no Anna. We headed home and still didn’t see her. We turned around and went down the road the other way. Still no Anna in sight. We thought that maybe she was crossing through the yards like she did when they walked home from camp. I was starting to get more and more worried. We traced the route that she would have taken if she cut through the yards. No Anna. My panic level was simply rising and rising. I was ready to call everyone I knew and have them start looking. I was thinking about all the places that she could be.

My cell phone rang. It was Anna. I could tell that she was scared. She was crying and I could barely understand her. She was at the grocery store.

We immediately turned around and headed there. As far as I was concerned, we couldn’t get there fast enough. I barely let Aaron get the car stopped before I hopped and out and went looking for her. She was sitting on the park bench outside the store. It was as if I was in a slow motion replay. I could see her sitting there on the bench. She looked scared and so little. I was calling her name and she was looking around for me. She could hear me but wasn’t sure where I was. As soon as she saw me, she ran to me and buried her head in my chest and hugged me. I couldn’t even speak to her for a moment. I just held on to her. She was fine. She had run the wrong way out of the parking lot. I took her face in my hands and I told her that I would have never stopped looking for her. I was okay. She was back with me. Not out in the world alone.

As I replayed this event over and over in my mind, one parable kept coming to mind.

What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?

⁵“When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

⁶“And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’

Luke 15:4-7

That parable really hit home today. I would have looked forever for Anna. I would have searched high and low and spared no expense to find her.

Sometimes we run the wrong way on purpose and sometimes we let the things of this world distract us and we find ourselves running in the wrong the direction. Sometimes we convince ourselves that the way we are running is the right way. But no matter why we end up lost, there is always someone out there looking for us. A God so loving that he never gives up. No matter what we have done, no matter how dirty we have got along the road he is looking. No matter how long we are lost and no matter how dirty we’ve gotten while we were lost, he always celebrates our being found.

There is nothing as sweet as resting my head on God’s chest when he has found me. When I have humbled myself enough to call out and let myself be found, I have never been more content, more relieved. He has taken my face into his hands and said, “I will never quit looking for you. I will never forsake you.”

I am his. I am a prized possession and so are you. He will never quit looking for us when we lose our way.

The beginning of a new year….

A new school, new teachers, new school supplies, new friends, new routines, new rules.

That’s a lot of new!! We have had a whole summer full of new stuff. That comes along with the territory though. The girls had a good first day. Aaron and I had a good first day. It was a first for me too! It was the first time that my little girls rode the bus home. I was at work anxiously looking at the clock willing it to move faster so that I could go home and ask, “How was your first day?”

I finally got that opportunity. I asked the question and asked the question and asked the question. The girls were not exactly forthcoming with answers. I had to drag it out of them. Who did you meet? What did you do? How was the playground? Did you like riding the bus? Did you make any new friends? What did you think of your teacher?

Just give me a nugget…I want to know what your day was like! I told my oldest that if she didn’t tell me anything about her day I might just take a day off work and follow her around all day. She promptly told me that moms didn’t do that in the fourth grade. It would be embarassing. I got a few more answers after I told her I would do it!!

I ache to know about my girls’ days. I want to know who they play with. What makes them happy and what makes the sad. I want to help through life’s struggles. I want to celebrate life’s achievements. I want to know that the school lunch was nasty. I want to know that they discovered a new thing.

It’s not that I’m overprotective…probably the total opposite. I just want to share in those experiences with them. I want to really know my girls and I want them to want to share with me about their lives. I want to have a relationship with them. I don’t want to just be the rule-enforcer, food provider and mess cleaner.

I can’t help but think that God is saying the same thing about me. I can just imagine that he is waiting for me to come to him and tell him about my day. Tell him what went good and what went wrong. He wants to celebrate with me and help me through my struggles.

I am so thankful that he is a relational God. He is interested in having a relationship with me–not just being a rule enforcer, provider or janitor. He wants to help me with my struggles. He wants me to ask for his advice. He wants me to just sit down with him and tell him about my day, not because I want him to do something about my day, but because I want to share with him what I have experienced that day and how I am different because of it.

I need to remember that I am not a burden to him. It is hard to remember sometimes that as big as he is and as powerful as he is, what he wants is for me to love him and to love him, is to spend time with him.

Preschool Snack….

In one of our recent “church shopping” experiences, we attended a mega church. By mega I mean really, really big. Think college basketball game arena meets concert meets God. It’s very high tech, very loud, and very crowded. We were pleasantly surprised at the quality of the worship service. It wasn’t showy or stuffy. It was genuine praise and worship. The preaching was engaging and real. It was very long…the preaching that is. Not long like a bad movie where you are just wishing it would end. It was just the opposite. It was like watching a very long but good movie. When it was over, you were surprised at how long it was!

Anna actually payed attention to the entire sermon. Of course, it was on pornography…actually what we allow to interfere with our relationships with each other and God. Not the subject I would choose my 9 year old to listen attentively to, but most of the pornography talk went over her head. She loved the fact that he used lots of scriptures. She took several of his little sayings to heart! One of those was “Don’t feed the Sumo,” which is just a whole other topic to write about.

The service was fine until the sermon was over. It was time for the offering. I was curious to see how this would take place with that many folks in the arena…I mean sanctuary. It was done by passing cloth bags. It was effective. What came next didn’t seem comfortable to those us from the Methodist tradition.

The offering bags were collected and without further adieu here came a platter with crackers and grape juice. I realized that it was COMMUNION. Nothing was said…just here came another offering plate…I struggled with the platter because I had Abby on my lap. I think I held up the process of the communion because I was trying to explain to the girls what was going on. Needless to say it was quite unspiritual.

Several days after that experience, we were talking about the different churches we had visited at the dinner table. We were discussing what we liked about each one and what we didn’t like about each one. We started talking about the big church as the girls call it.

Anna piped right up and said,”I didn’t appreciate how they did communion.” We didn’t expect that out of our nine year old. We, of course, asked her what she meant. She said that there was nothing said about it. The preacher didn’t call our attention to it. We were passed the crackers and the juice. We ate them and that was that. No prayer. Nothing. She said, “It was like they were passing out a snack at preschool. Don’t they know that it was communion!? I think Jesus said that we were suppose to remember him when we did it!”

We were shocked as parents. Shocked in a good way. I have thought about her comments several times over the last couple of weeks. Preschool snack…communion….remembering….

Communion, the Lord’s Supper…it is such a special, holy moment. She’s right…we are suppose to “do this and remember me.” Luke 22. But do we do that? How often do we listen to the liturgy what as United Methodist we say each and every time we participate in a communion service?

Each and every time we as United Methodists gather to partake of this special service we are invited by these words:

Christ our Lord invites to his table all who love him, who earnestly repent of their sin and seek to live in peace with one another…

What powerful words…those who love and earnestly repent fo their sin…do we do that? Do we earnestly repent of those sins? How often do we take that piece of bread and hear those words, “This is the body broken for you?” How often do we dip that bread while hearing, “This is the blood shed for you?” How often do we place that soggy bread in our mouths, utter “Praise be to God” and return to our seats without once thinking about earnestly repenting of our sins and honestly seek to live in peace with one another?

Do we even know how to do that? Are we willing to do that? To live in peace requires us to put others before us. To earnestly repent of our sins requires us to admit we are imperfect; that we sin. That is hard.

I used to think that it got easier as one developed a closer relationship with God. I think that the closer I come to God and the more I learn about him and his love for me and the extent to which he will go to have me with him for eternity the more I am acutely aware of my sins. It is easier to take that bread and juice, mutter my thanks, return to my seat and not let it change me.

But it does change me. I choose to allow God to change me. Slowly sometimes. Painfully sometimes. To know that I disappoint God is more than I can stand sometimes. But I am reminded that God loves me. Even when I take the soggy bread and return to my seat without a real thought about it. He knows my faults, even those I won’t admit to myself and he loves me anyway.

He knows that I will try to remember him. That I want to remember him. That I want to earnestly repent of my sins. That I want with all my heart to live in peace with those around me. He also know that I will not always think of him, that I will go through the motions and not repent, and that I will not do all that I can to live in peace with those around me. He knows that as hard as I try not to, I will still sin. Yet he loves me.

I try to remember that each time. I pray that it never becomes a “preschool snack” to me. I pray that it does not become a “preschool snack” to you.

The heat of summer…

It amazes me sometimes, how I much I forget….

I forget birthdays, to RSVP to events, to take the trash cans down to the road, to turn off lights, what I was suppose to do when I entered a room, when to keep my mouth shut…the list could go on and on. I think all of this forgetfulness can be blamed on several things. In my case, maybe its the fact that we have just moved away from home and family, the fact that I am a mom with two little girls, my brain is tired or maybe it is selective…I don’t know.

I can understand forgetting little things, one could argue, even insignificant things. Forgetting to take the garbage cans to the road is not going to cause a major disruption in the flow of the world, maybe a a minor disruption in our household. Forgetting to turn the lights off when I leave a room is not going to cure global warming and the shortage of fuel (may lower Aaron’s blood pressure, but that is beside the point.)

But there are things that I forget sometimes that do make a huge difference, at least in my own life. It is sad how quickly one forgets, even if for a moment, how much God loves them and how good God really is! At times, nothing seems good enough. I forget how much God provides for me…and like a little kid just keep demanding more and more.

The last couple days have been a great example of this for me!

We traveled back to TN for the weekend and had a tremendous visit. We had great weather, easy travel (well, as easy as traveling with a 7 and a 9 year old can be) and a nice home to return to. Monday morning came and we all woke up happy and healthy and returned to jobs and camps without blinking an eye.

But the complaining, at least from me, began in earnest on Monday about mid-morning when I learned that the tire on the car had gone flat. Just one more thing going wrong in my life!! I was actually very put out that we may have to get a new tire. I couldn’t believe we were going to have this expense. It wasn’t bad enough that we are living on practically nothing because we were following God’s leading to seminary…you can just imagine the rest of the pity party I was having in my head and the conversations I was having with God. To say the least, I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Then that afternoon, Aaron calls to tell me the heat pump had broken and the AC wasn’t working. So, I call and let the powers that be know that we were having an issue with the heat pump. Can you believe that the repair man was not able to come out IMMEDIATELY? It would be late afternoon on Tuesday before he would make it to our place…again…the audacity of people..don’t they know our house is about 82 degrees inside?

So we complained and whine throughout the evening and the night. It was too hot to cook so we ate peanut butter sandwiches and cereal. The girls complained about an uncooked supper. Sleep came but wasn’t great. I was cranky. Aaron was cranky. AUGH!

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself on Tuesday and was very homesick. I was torn between being excited that Gary was starting at the church in “Aaron’s” position and upset that we were being “replaced.” The positive feed back loop of self pity can be destructive! The tire couldn’t be fixed. We had to buy a BRAND new tire!! I was not liking it and really let God know.

It’s funny how God just lets us stew for a while, and OH how I stewed. I’m not like this very often, but man I was mush I had stewed so long….

I started sharing with my co-workers how spoiled I felt because I was so upset by my air conditioning being out. I read Gary’s blog and felt ashamed out how I was feeling about him being at Wesley–he was so excited to be there!

God took that moment of willingness to look beyond myself and jumped on it! I started realizing that we had many things for which to be thankful.

The tire did not go flat until after we had traveled several hundred miles home instead of going flat on us in the middle of nowhere on our way back to Kentucky. The weather was unseasonably mild with low humidity during the time of our pioneer days (aka when the air conditioning didn’t work) and it was repaired in a little over 24 hours (just in time for a massive heat wave.) Our needs were met and exceeded the whole time. We weren’t comfortable, physically or mentally, but God was taking care of us.

It is amazing to me how quickly I, and maybe you, forget that God is GOOD! Even in the midst of turmoil, major or minor, God is good. How quickly I, and maybe you, forget how good and comfortable the life we have. Even in the midst of heartache, homesickness, grief, disappointment, our lives are more comfortable the vast majority of our brothers and sisters with which we share this round ball we call home.

Maybe it’s because we are tired. Maybe it’s because we are overwhelmed. Maybe it’s because we choose to forget…God is GOOD! All the time….even when we have a flat tire, the AC isn’t working and we are missing home.

A Lion?

Oh….my Abby. She never ceases to amaze me, but she does seem to be able to embarass me!!

What you have to know about Abby is she is as cute as a button but mischevious. She loves to dress up in frilly dresses while playing with her cars and dinosaurs before she goes and climbs the nearest tree. She’s tough as nails too! She never backs down from a fight but can melt a heart with her smile.

Vacation Bible School started this week and we were thrilled that the girls were excited about going! We were hoping that they would make some new friends and we are looking forward to visiting the church.

Our neighbor brought the girls home tonight. Abby crawled out of the car and just looked plain exhausted! I commented on her tired look and my friend giggled. I asked her what was so funny. She proceeded to tell me what happened at VBS.

It seems that Abby was all into the theme tonight. Oh…did I mention that Abby has a great imagination? Seems like Abby pretended to be a lion all night long, roaring only as she can! But…that’s not all…not only did she communicate the whole night by only growling and roaring…she crawled around on all fours too!!

What a great way to get to know a church family, right?

That’s not all folks! Seems like Anna, my oldest, did her best at embarassing me too! They had pancakes and sausage for dinner, and with breakfast comes milk. Anna loves milk. From what I understand, someone in her VBS group dared her to chug a half gallon of milk. I never knew this, but it looks like Anna can’t live a dare down. She proceeded to chug the milk with the rest of 3rd and 4th graders chanting “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”

WOW! I am so proud!